-->Chapter Sixteen: I.Need.To.Know...Do.You.Really.Care? [CONTINUED]

    Dinner was silent. I had brought Chin home about an hour after the fight, and dragged her to the dining room. We had originally planned to have a full sit-down dinner because the guys were leaving the next day...but it didn't turn out too well. AJ and Chin coldly - or was it stubbornly? - ignored each other; they sat as far apart as they could from one another. Conversation between the rest of us was scarce and limited; it felt like walking on thin ice. We were too scared to do anything. Neither of the two concerned ate much, and about 20 minutes into dinner, Chin excused herself and left for her room. Jenny and I followed. AJ took his plate and went to sit outside on the porch. Brian left his dinner on the table and followed. The others finished their meal, unsure of what to do.

(upstairs)
     Jenny and I slowly opened the door to Chin and Hannahís room. Chin was laying on her stomach on her bed, her head turned away from the door.
     "Not now, you guys," she stated, almost inaudibly. We looked at each other, quietly closed the door behind us, and went to sit on Hannah's bed.
     "Try and get rid of us," Jenny tried to smile. Chin didn't respond. It was silent for awhile.
     "What's happened, Chin? All we want to know is why two of our friends got into a massive fight and aren't speaking to each other," I said.
     "I wish I knew..." Chin whimpered into her pillow. "Right now my mind's a mess. I've never been really mad at him before...why did he yell at me? What did I do?"
     "We don't know, Chin," Jenny sighed.
     "For the past few days, I can't stop thinking about him," Chin confessed. "And it hurts too much that he's angry with me....I don't know what to do..."
     "What do you mean 'thinking about him'...?" I inquired.
     "What do you think I mean? Oh, I don't know..."
     "Oh...uhhhh... well.... do you like him?" Jenny cautiously asked.
     "I should...as a friend."
     "You sure thatís all it is?"
     "I tell myself it is...I mean Alex is really sweet and he means the world to me, but...I don't know. My mind is so messed up. When he started acting odd awhile ago, it got me thinking, you know? And when he came to comfort me after the whole thing on New Year's Eve...I felt so safe in his arms..." she trailed off. Jenny raised an eyebrow at me.
     "People you liked before, Chin, what were they like?" I asked.
     "What do you mean?" Chin looked up, confused by the question.
     "What do you look for in guys?" Jenny asked.
     "I thought we were talking about what's happening with me and Alex..."
     "Just answer the question...please," I pressed.
     "Ok." Chin looked at us oddly, sitting up and leaning against the wall. "Sweet, caring, funny, understanding, good personality...I could go on forever." She smiled as she lay back on her tummy and propped herself up with hands to look at us.
     "And what is AJ like?" Jenny asked. Chin hesitated.
     "Well?....Chin?" I inquired.
     "Hmm?..." She was deep in thought.
     "Isn't AJ like that?" Jenny pressed.
     "Yeah...but-"
     "Ok then, so do you like him?" I continued.
     "A lot of guys are like that..."
     "Chin! " Jenny exclaimed.
     "Why won't you just say it?" I asked.
     "Say what?"
     "That you like him!?" Jenny and I exclaimed at the same time.
     "Alex?...Cuz ...I don't..." she frowned.
     "This is going to be a long night..." Jenny sighed.
     "All right, Chin....what do you feel for...um," I fished for one of the other Boys' names, "Howie?" I asked.
     "What? Um...He's real sweet-"
     "As much as AJ?" Jenny piped up.
     "I...dunno...."
     "Would you say there is a difference between the way you feel for AJ and the way you feel for Howie...or Lance...or any of the other guys?" I asked.
     "Yeah..." Chin almost whispered.
     "What is that difference?" Jenny asked.
     "I dunno...me and Alex are better friends?"
     "So you're not good friends with Brian or Nick or-"
     "I'm not saying that..."
     "Then what are you saying..?" I smiled as we saw Chin bury her head in a pillow after the comparison. "Well?... whatís the difference?"
     "I like Alex..." Chin mumbled from the pillow.

(in the backyard)
     Brian was trying to get his silent friend to talk.
     "Age, I don't know what came over you, but I'm pretty sure you didn't mean what you said," Brian stated. Both were sitting with their feet in the pool. AJ was slowly munching on his food, staring blankly into the water. "Why you haven't told her yet is beyond me, man," Brian continued, trying to get some kind of response. AJ was still silent. Brian wasn't sure if he was ignoring him, just listening, or completely in his own world and not hearing a word. "I know it must be hard for you, hiding these feelings...for how long now, at least 5 months? Maybe you thought you could do it cuz we're not physically with the girls all the time, but this says something, J...You were pushed to your limit and snapped...and you ended up yelling at the one person you care about the most."
     "You're not helping, B," AJ finally muttered. Brian looked at him, surprised he got a response.
     "Fine. I'm not helping. I just don't know what to say to you anymore. How many times have we had this type of conversation in the last 5 or so months, huh, Bone? You say you're going to forget, that you're gonna deal with it, that it'll pass...whatever. You're all talk. If it hasn't gone away by now, then why do you think you can still try and ignore it? I'm here for you, you know that, but I'm almost running on empty here, AJ. I don't know how to help. You've done what you said you hoped you'd never do...A girl who is very upset and worried is sitting up in her room right now, hurt by what her best friend said to her today. Why can't you just go up and talk to her?"
     "It's not that easy," AJ whispered, trying to process what Brian was saying, as well as deal with his jumbled mind.
     "J...I understand that, man, but-"
     "No, you donít," AJ said angrily. It was too much. "You donít understand, Rok. You donít wake up every morning and see your best friend, the person you love more than anything, free to be in the arms of someone else. You donít wake up with the dread and task of trying to hide all feelings possible, to try to act normal, no matter how much you wanna explode. You donít wake up every damn day and know that you will never be loved back by the one you love the most. You donít wake up and see that you could treat her better than any other man that tried to touch her. You donít wake up and know that if she was with you, you would never ever let anything hurt her...but yet now, you have because your damned feelings got in the way and screwed up everything...and you don't have a clue how the hell to undo the damage. You don't know, Brian, so don't pretend you do."
     Wordlessly Brian sat, watching AJ...watching as his friend let his true feelings out, and finally start to cry...watching as he got up and walked away, not looking back...watching someone who could hold out his heart out for his best friend, but was too afraid of getting absolutely nothing in return.

     "Chin?" Hannah entered their room quietly. "You still awake?" she whispered. When Chin didn't respond Hannah assumed she was asleep. The night had been quiet, and everyone had decided to turn in early because of another 6 AM flight the next morning. Hannah got ready for bed and went to sleep, trying to make as little noise as possible.
     But Chin wasn't asleep. Haunting words wouldn't leave her alone. "I wish my best friend would be with me for my birthday..." AJ's voice echoed inside Chin's head as she silently cried. In several hours the boys would leave. AJ would leave. And it would leave their friendship in ruins.
     "AJ..." Chin cried softly as she forced herself to sleep.

 ~*~*~*~
(1/7/00 - 5AM the next morning)
     "Should we wake up Chin?" Cathy asked.
     "I don't know." I looked at Jenny. She shook her head.
     "I woke up a few times at night...and she was still awake," Hannah said.
     "Let her sleep. It' not like we're gonna leave her and go to the airport or anything..." Julie muttered. The guys had opted to let us stay home, since we had gone to the airport so many times in the early morning with them. They wouldn't let us argue.

     "Age, you ready?" Brian popped his head into the upstairs guestroom.
     "Yeah... Be right there..." AJ got up from staring out the window and slowly made his way to his luggage.
     "I'll see you downstairs, okay?"
     "Sure."
     Brian watched his friend lift his suitcase and then went downstairs to join the rest of the house.
     When Brian had left, AJ opened up his fist to reveal a necklace. A familiar silver ring dangled from it that had the words "forever" engraved inside. He made his way to Chin's bedroom and saw her asleep in her bed. A smile crept onto his face when he saw Sprite sharing her pillow and Coke keeping her feet warm. Quietly, he placed the necklace in her hand and balled it up.
    "Keep this safe for me, hon..." he whispered, kissed her forehead, and said good-bye.
     Wordlessly, he loaded up into the rented van, and vacantly started out the window as the rest of us stood in the driveway in our pajamas, waving goodbye to the guys.

(on the plane)

     "You okay?" Brian asked AJ again.
     "For the billionth time, yes."
     "But you said-"
     "What."
     "You said you wanted her to be there for your birthday."
     "So?" AJ tried not to think about it.
     "So it's the day after tomorrow and you're leaving her behind."
     "We had a fight, Brian. The girls weren't coming, anyway. We're gonna be across the country in Orlando. What do you expect?" AJ grumbled from the seat next to Brian.
     "Nothing..." Brian sighed and stared at the seat in front of him. "Nothing at all..."
 

Chapter Seventeen: Where.Can.We.Go.From.Here?
.If.I.Don't.Have.You. Index
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