Chapter Sixteen: I.Need.To.Know...Do.You.Really.Care? (January 4, 2000)
"I can't believe we got in here!" Kevin tried to yell to Cathy over the booming music and noise.
"What?" Cathy put a hand by her ear indicating that she couldn't hear him.
"He said...oh, never mind. This is fun!" Howie said. Cathy smiled and nodded, and went back to eating her food.
The 12 of us had gotten into a Karaoke bar. The day before had been ice skating, and the day before that, another duel of bowling. The first of January had been spent lounging around a bit, with a short trip to the beach, but after that, the guys had been determined to get our minds off of New Year's Eve and our "stalkers".
"C'mon, Rok - It's your turn!" AJ pushed his friend out of his seat, towards the stage, as the DJ called for another audience member. We all clapped, whistled, and cheered him on. The DJ asked what song he wanted, but he shrugged and said it didn't matter.
Salsa music blared over the speaker, and the TV began to show the video. It was Marc Anthony's "I Need To Know"...Brian grinned at us and started dancing away, trying to mimic the singer shown on the television. He stumbled over the beginning words, but got into it, and sang along beautifully...They say around the way you've asked for me
There's even talk about you wantin' me..."You've got it DOWN, man!' Nick cheered his friend as Brian looked from side to side, attempting to appear unsure, acting along with the words. Almost everyone was hooting and howling. Jenny was laughing so hard that tears were forming in her eyes.
I must admit that's what I wanna hear
But tha's jus' talk until you take me there, oh...Brian got a knowing look and pointed to Jenny, then turned his hand and seductively beckoned her towards him. She looked at us, then back at him, and shook her head. We screamed at her and shoved her out of her seat, towards the stage. Brian grabbed her arm and pulled her up before she could put up anymore of a protest.
If it's true, don't leave me all alone out here
Wonderin' if you're ever gonna take me there
Tell me what you're feelin' cuz I need to know
Girl, you gotta let me know which way to goImmediately he began a sultry dance with her, keeping one of his hands free for the microphone. Jenny had this look of "I'm gonna kill ALL of you"...but couldn't stay mad for long. Brian was up to his usual antics, and kept her smiling.
Cuz I need to know
I need to know
Tell me, Babygirl, cuz I need to know
I need to know
I need to know
Tell me, Babygirl, cuz I need to knowHe pretended to tango and salsa with her, twirling her and leading her around the stage at random instances, wiggling his eyebrows and swinging his hips while grinning...all the while not missing a beat of the song.
My every thought is of this bein' true
It's gettin' harder not to think of you
Girl, I'm exactly where I wanna be
The only thing is I need you here with me, oh...The crowd was whooping and cheering by now. Jenny was getting into it, and pretended to push him aside and walk off, or dance a sultry dance with him, like the girl in the video. Some of the guys in the audience pretended to fan themselves off and whistled...it was getting hot.
If it's true, don't leave me all alone out here
Wonderin' if you're ever gonna take me there
Tell me what you're feelin' cuz I need to know
Girl, you gotta let me know which way to goThe two kept up their act as the pre-chorus and chorus repeated themselves. Soon, the song was close to ending, and Jenny lightly pushed Brian down to his knees, then turned to slowly saunter off the stage seductively. Brian acted along and pretended to reach after her.
Cuz I need to know
[Don't leave me all alone]
I need to know
Tell me, Babygirl, cuz I need to know
I need to know
[Don't leave me all alone...]
I need to know
Tell me, Babygirl, cuz I need to know...He ended with his head in his hands, kneeling on the stage. The crowd broke into a grand applause. He looked up and grinned at us, before handing the mic back to the DJ and trotting back to his seat.
"Good show, Cuz." Kevin patted Brian on the back. Brian grabbed my 7UP and took a gulp, put it down, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and smiled. Everyone's voice was louder than normal, to compensate for the blaring music.
"You're welcome," I laughed, as I took my drink back.
"Jenny's one little vixen, eh?" AJ snickered. "OW!" She swatted him with one hand, while taking a gulp of my drink in the other.
"Hot Mama Jenny," Nick laughed.
"You didn't do too bad yourself when you were up there, Blondie," she innocently smiled back at him.
"You guys owe me a drink now," I pouted, looking at my empty glass as I pulled out my chapstick. AJ nursed his arm.
"Serves you right," Chin laughed at him and grabbed for my BonneBelle as I unsuccessfully attempted to put it away quickly.
"No matter. This is too much fun to worry over it...Brian was the icing on the cake, man. I mean, Howie singing 'Freedom', and Nick singing 'Can't Touch This'...it's so freaking priceless!...It'd be cool if we could do this for my birthday."
"Have fun..." she sighed, not looking at AJ.
"Why are you talking like that? I mean, you're gonna...not be there." The smile on his face faded. Chin chucked my Lipsmacker back to me. It landed in my new drink and she smiled 'sorry' when I yelped as it splashed.
"Bingo." Chin took a sip of her drink and watched as we shoved Lance up on stage after the act that followed Brian ended.
"That's gonna suck...I wish my best friend would be with me on my birthday..." He looked away, half-pretending to be sad.
"Trying to make me feel guilty, huh?" Chin nudged him. "I'm still gonna call you, hon." He turned around and smiled.
"At least I'll hear your voice on my 22nd birthday." He pretended to get all mushy and gave her a hug. She made a face of mock disgust and lightly pushed him away. She had an urge to stay in his arms, but she dismissed it, and tried to think of something to say.
"Enough of that, Alex...let me watch Lancey-pooh serenaded his Hannah," she smiled, relieved that she had found an excuse to ignore her odd feelings. We were all laughing at Lance, who was singing "Unforgettable", mostly to Hannah. He had exaggerated facial expressions, the arm movements, everything. Hannah laughed and whipped out her camera, taking her billionth picture of the day.
Jenny was laughing along, too...but she was thinking. About the song. If only those lyrics had been true. She had let herself loose...If only she hadn't been pretending. Brian had been, of course...
AJ looked at Chin as she joined us in cheering on Lance. It did bother him that she wouldn't be there, but he couldn't do anything about it. Little did he know that it bothered her, a lot, too.~*~*~*~
(January 6, 2000)
"CHIN! JACK'S HERE!" Cathy yelled from the front door.
"COMING!" Chin yelled from her room, as she frantically tried to find her shoes. She ran to the closet in search of her sweatshirt.
AJ emerged from the guestroom. In the 6 days since the New Year, this was the second time Chin was going somewhere with Jack. On the 2nd, after we had gotten home from ice-skating, he had dropped by and the two had left for somewhere.
AJ had been thinking about the ring, about them. He still hadn't seen his on her finger...just Jack's. And Chin never said anything about it. He guessed his gift hadn't been that important to her, after all. He was getting madder and madder at himself for feeling so protective of her. He wanted to be the one to be there for her always...but he thought he couldn't make that happen if he tried. And that fact was eating him up. He had told himself so many times that he would forget his feelings...but he couldn't. But if he had, he wouldn't have scared Chin off at the video set, thus resulting in the 6 of us falling in the elevator. He thought if he could only forget his feelings, he would be a better friend...instead of selfishly worrying about what he was going to do all the time. He tried to hide it as best he could, laughing along normally with us when we went ice skating, bowling, and singing...but it was getting to him. And for some reason, he had to know.
All of a sudden, he realized he was walking in her direction. Before he knew it, he stopped by the closet.
"Who do you love?"
Chin popped her head out of the closet. "What?"
"Who do you love? Me...or Jack?" He didn't know what was coming over him. He was using a line from one of their songs, for crying out loud.
Chin looked at him oddly, and met his gaze.
Why did he have to make this complicated? Why did he have to go there?
She wasn't ready. She had to remind herself that. She had tried to tell herself in vain that she couldn't have those feelings for him...but they were there, no matter how much she denied it. But she had lived with that. As long as no one knew yet, which they didn't, she'd be fine. Everything had been okay, until now...why did he have to ask that?
The two stood there for a moment, in silence.
"CHIN! DID YOU KNOW JACK'S OUT THERE?" Hannah called. Chin blinked. She had been lost in his eyes...no, she hadn't been. How silly to think that.
She had just been thinking.
That was all.
"YEAH - I'M COMING!" she yelled back. She looked at AJ. "I gotta go..." She turned and left to go down the stairs. She met Jack at the door, and told him she had to find her sweatshirt, that she'd be out in a sec. He said he'd wait in the car. She went to the downstairs closet, hoping it'd be in there. Her mind was on Alex. Why? She shook her head and continued rummaging. AJ showed up behind her.
"Chin," AJ whispered.
"AJ!" she jumped.
"Sorry." He stuck his hands in his pockets. "...You never answered my question," he quietly stated. He silently asked himself why he was pushing it. Did he really care?
"What question?" she played dumb, and kept hunting.
"...You know what question."
"This, this isn't the best time for this," Chin sighed. She found her sweatshirt. It had been right in front of her face, but her mind had been on Alex, and she hadn't seen it...No, she hadn't been thinking about Alex. She was just...stressed out, or something. But she was not thinking about Alex. Of course not.
"Then when would be a better time - when you and Jack get married?" he practically barked. He couldn't believe the words that had come out of his mouth.
"What!?" Chin spun around. "NO!"
"Then why can't you answer my question?" His voice was still raised, the words coming out involuntarily. She tightened her grip on her sweatshirt and got lost in his eyes once more. They both heard a "mew" and looked down, breaking the trance, to see Sprite. AJ picked the kitten up. Chin came back to her senses.
"I just...can't," she whispered as brushed past him, and headed out the front door. AJ didn't know what had come over him. Whatever it was, he didn't like it. He left to shut himself in the upstairs guestroom to do what he had been doing when he had been alone for the past days: think...in vain.
But there was nothing else he saw he could do.(That evening)
Chin had gotten home about an hour ago, and had gone straight to her room. Hannah entered awhile later to get something from her desk, but also to check on her friend. Chin was lying down on her bed, silently writing in a notebook. Hannah didn't want to push anything, and left as quietly as she had entered.
Chin had been thinking. Had she missed something in the past few months? What was up with Alex? He had seemed off at he video shoot, but then, he had gone back to his normal self...well, almost. Was it really his normal self? What about when she had just gotten to know him? Hadn't he been different back then? Had something happened between them while he was on tour in summer or during fall that she was oblivious to? On New Year's Eve, he had been so protective, so caring...she had never seen him so worried before...But he had just yelled at her that morning.
She sighed and closed her notebook, and lay on her stomach, fiddling with her necklace.
She had to find out. The guys were leaving soon...the next day, she realized...and she didn't want to part on bad terms. Especially not when his birthday was coming up.
Would it help if she told him how she felt? No. She couldn't. It would just...complicate things further. She had to push her somewhat new and insecure feelings aside and confront him...as a friend, nothing more.
She had to know what was wrong.
She got up and left for the guestroom. She stopped and looked off the balcony to see if any of us were outside. She turned and noticed AJ had left the guestroom and was heading down the hall. He was almost at the stairs. She followed him.
"Alex?" Chin spoke, but he ignored her. "Is something wrong?" she asked as she grabbed his hand.
"No I'm fine," he muttered coldly and pulled away, continuing to walk.
He didn't want to talk about it.
He was afraid.
If he talked, he'd have to tell her. Or it would just slip out.
Either way, that would do more damage than he was ready for.
"Alex?" Chin wasn't going to let him off that easily. His friendship meant too much to her. She didn't care if it was nothing more than a close friendship...she needed that to live. He began to descend down the stairs. "Will you stop and look at me when I'm talking to you?"
"WHAT DO YOU WANT!?" AJ yelled as he spun around.
"I-I just want to talk to you, Alex..." Chin stepped back up a stair, in shock by his tone of voice.
"Then talk." He turned around and continued down the stairs. He scolded himself for snapping at her, but his pride wouldn't let him turn around and apologize. He was mad at himself for messing everything up, and Chin wasn't helping.
He wasn't going to tell her.
He couldn't.
They were leaving tomorrow. This closeness over the past week was getting to him. But he'd be gone soon, and they could be friends over the phone, without him feeling so tempted...If she could just leave him alone right now, he could make it.
"What's wrong?" she pressed. He kept walking. "Please, Alex, say something..." Chin spoke softly. By now everyone had popped their heads either over the stairs or from the rooms on the first floor to see what was going on.
"Look, Chin...I don't need you to take care of me, okay? I'll do fine without you." His words cut like knives through the air as he reached the bottom floor.
What had he just said?
"You...what?" Chin's voice was wavering. What was he talking about? Everyone on the second floor followed down the stairs slowly. The two either didn't seem to care to take notice.
"Where's the ring I gave you?" AJ demanded as he turned and grabbed Chin's hand, pulling her down the remaining 2 steps. He had to find some reason for his statement. "This is the ring Jack gave you...If you cared enough you would have on the ring I gave you. So don't complain about me not caring."
He didn't know what he was doing. His heart was screaming at him to stop, but for some reason, he wouldn't listen.
"But I do care..."
"Chin, you don't have to explain yourself, okay? This friendship was meant to be for the fun of it," he blurted out. What was he saying? "All of this is for the fun of it." How could he explain this? "Look at Julie and Nick, they even broke it off...None of us really care that much," he grunted.
"AJ! That's NOT true!" Nick yelled, "I still love Julie a LOT!" Julie looked at Nick and their eyes met and they exchanged small smiles.
"What's going on here, exactly?" Jenny finally asked as she walked down the stairs a bit.
"Nothing." AJ turned and began to walk away again.
"Alex, wait...You, you guys are leaving tomorrow." Chin was close to crying. "I don't know what this is about, but don't end everything like this...please," Chin begged, walking to him slowly.
"Chin, if I don't speak for everyone, then I speak for myself..." He turned to face her again. "This was just supposed to be for fun. I don't want or need you in my life."
At that, Chin's heart died.
She looked down and her fingers touched something around her neck.
AJ's mind was racing. Nothing was making sense.
"Well since you don't seem to care, I don't think it's healthy for me to do so, either..." Chin yanked a necklace off her neck, fighting the tears that were threatening to overflow from her eyes. "Here, Alex...or should I say, AJ?" she almost hissed, still not looking at him. He winced. "I didn't have my ring on my hand...I've had it on this necklace for god knows how long." She fiddled with the metal in her hand, still looking at it. "Do whatever you want with it. Throw it in the trashcan for all I care..." She finally looked him in the eye. "Because you don't...and soon I won't." Tears finally ran down her cheeks as she threw the necklace at him and ran to the door to the garage.
"AJ, what the hell was that!?" Brian demanded, fully emerging from the family room, once Chin disappeared. AJ picked up the necklace from where it had fallen on the floor. Dangling from it was the friendship ring he had given Chin. Everyone heard a car leave the garage.
"She wore it on her neck so it'd be closer to her heart..." Hannah said softly, not wanting to set AJ off.
"I'm going after her," I resolved, running to the garage.
"And what was with the whole 'for fun' thing?" Kevin asked.
"It IS...Look at Julie and Nick...We, we come here JUST for vacations...We met at Disneyland...we..." AJ tried to convince the Boys, but mostly trying to convince himself.
"Age, stop it. You know that's not true. After all we've been through together, how dare you say it means nothing. We all care for each other, J. Very much...And you know it as well as I do - you care a lot about Chin." Brian wouldn't let AJ convince himself otherwise. "And what happened to not breaking her heart or hurting her, AJ?" he continued, the tone of his voice lowering. "From what I saw, that was the total opposite...You should have just told her then."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Nick wondered aloud. "That he still likes her as friend?-"
"No, he likes her as more than that," Howie whispered.
"Ohhh..." Confusion clouded Nick's face. "Then why did he yell at her?"
"You know, I'm still in the room," AJ groaned as he slumped next to a wall.
"Because he wasn't thinking. He just wanted to stop himself...from loving her," Brian replied, ignoring AJ.-->Chapter Sixteen: I.Need.To.Know...Do.You.Really.Care? [CONTINUED]
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