[3 months later--July 2004]
July rolled around, and it was time
for another reunion. Everything during the three months after AJ and Chin's
wedding seemed to happen in a blur, yet it all happened in slow motion, all
at once. A few weeks after the newlyweds' two-week honeymoon in Hawaii, the
guys announced what had been brewing in everyone's heads for months: it was
time for BSB to record a new album.
The hiatus was over. A long-over-due
LP constructing process was in the works. If all went well, they could cut
a single in November, and the album would be ready for release in January.
Thus, this reunion seemed to have a different tone...leaving everything to
come to the reunion was a different "leaving" this time around. All the separate
ventures were "abandoned" for the time being. Howie's housing and Nick's
band in were given to other hands in Florida to be overseen in the absence
of the working Boys. Kevin tied up any remaining loose ends with some soundtracks
and movies, and AJ truly put Johnny, and the man's website, to rest for a
long period of time. He and Brian left the main vice execs in the record
company to handle the business. All outside branches returned to how things
had been before the long break. It was time for the guys to be Boys again.
Along with Lance, who was in creative-mode
as well, the Boys seemed to act, for a while, as if the visit to the girls'
house was just a place to stay to get the creative juices flowing. Time after
time one could find any of the girls trying to drag any of the guys out to
"do something else," but alas, the men remained firm and locked themselves
away for hours upon end.
"Wanna take the dogs for a walk?" Jenny
and Cathy dared pop their heads into the upstairs guestroom where Brian and
Howie had been for the past three hours. Brian was hunched over his guitar
and Howie was surrounded by crumpled papers.
"Nope, sorry, writing," they almost replied
in unison.
"Let's go for a walk on the beach..." Julie
tugged at Nick's shirt.
"I got a song in my head. Can't let it go..."
Nick mumbled, nibbling on a pencil, erasing and writing lyrics furiously.
"C'mon...Laaannncccee...I miss you," Hannah
whined.
"I'll be with you in a sec," he replied
for the millionth time. "A sec" usually meant an hour or so.
"Alex...Kevin...I'm gonna sic the cats on
you if you keep ignoring me!" Chin threatened, scooping up a surprised Sprite
and Coke into her arms.
"What did you say, Chin?" Kevin distractedly
asked.
"What? Hang on, will you?" AJ didn't even
look at her, concentrating on the piano chords that Kevin was testing.
It only took a few days, however, for
them to snap out of their strict ways and emerge once in awhile to be social,
ever so slowly turning into the guys the girls once knew and loved. They
even began to let the girls in on the writing process; playing chords, running
through lyrics, and taking suggestions. But everyone doing this straight
for too long would end up in a burn-out, so breaks became more and more frequent.
Chin smiled, watching the TV screen. Everyone
had dropped off to sleep; it was well past 2AM. But she couldn't sleep. She
had given into an idea and had spent a good 20 minutes shuffling through
the piles upon piles of recorded tapes the girls had in a closet beside the
family room TV. She had finally found what she had been looking for, popped
it into the VCR, grabbed a blanket, which attracted both cats, and had snuggled
up on a couch to watch.
AJ had awoken to go to the bathroom
and had become worried when he didn’t find her sleeping next to him. He had
trudged sleepily down the stairs and was now standing a few feet behind her,
without her knowledge. He cracked a smile at her figure on the screen, trying
to figure out what it was they were watching.
"You dance really well, hon," he leaned
over and said into her ear, finally speaking up when the tape was over, followed
by a quick kiss on her cheek. Chin nearly jumped out of her skin.
"ALEX!" she whispered loudly, turning
her head to look at him, "You scared me!"
"Sorry..." he gave her a pouty face,
stood up, and outstretched his arms for a hug. She smiled and patted the
spot next to her on the couch. "So what was that for? Music Video practice?"
he chuckled.
"No...just Airbands from high school."
"Wha?"
"We had this competition called Airbands.
You basically lip-sync stuff. It can be a whole song, a mix, whatever, as
long as it fits under a time limit. People go all out. Props, costumes, choreography..."
"Who choreographed that dance and chose
the music?" he asked, pointing towards the now blank screen.
"I did..." Chin sheepishly grinned.
"For three years. Sophomore through senior year."
"Are you kidding me?" AJ looked at
her incredulously.
"No..."
"Dude, you and Fatima should work together,
man," he nudged her. "That would be kick-ass. You choreographing our tour
stuff? C'mon...you know you wanna," he wrapped his arms around her.
"It's a nice idea...thought I'd much
rather do your costumes..." she said, snuggling into him. "You know, you
could be my mannequin in my experimental mode," she giggled.
"You don't have to ask me twice," he
grinned.
[Later that day...sometime during the evening.]
Everyone was scattered about the family
room, enjoying a rented movie. As "Chasing Amy" progressed, it was either
met by laughter from those who remained awake or snores from those who had
fought sleep but had given in. Nick, Hannah, Howie, and Chin had joined the
latter group, snuggling up to their significant others as they eased into
dreamland. Along with the slumbering animals, they missed an important
monologue from the movie...Kevin was quickly joining their ranks, his eyelids
drooping. But Sarah watched the poignant scene and heard every word from
the screen.
Holden throws
the car into park
ALYSSA
Why are we stopping?
HOLDEN
Because I can't take it.
ALYSSA
Can't take what?
HOLDEN
I love you.
ALYSSA
You love me.
HOLDEN
I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we're great
friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although
I'm sure that's what you'll call it. And it's not because you're unattainable.
I love you. Very simple, very truly. You're the epitome of every
attribute and quality I've ever looked for in another person. I know
you think of me as just a friend and crossing that line is the furthest thing
from an option you'd ever consider. But I can't do this any longer.
I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't look
into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy
romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love
for everything you are. I know this will probably queer our friendship
- no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this before,
and I like who I am because of it. And if bringing it to light means
we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But I couldn't allow
another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome,
which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down.
And I'll accept that. But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment,
and if there is a moment of hesitation, that means you feel something too.
All I ask is that you not suppress that - at least for ten minutes - and
try to dwell in it before you dismiss it. There isn't another soul
on this fucking planet who's ever made me the person I am when I'm with you,
and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau.
Because it's there between you and me. You can't deny that. And
even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I'm forever
changed because of you and what you've meant to me...*
Sarah gazed down at Kevin's sleeping form a few feet away from her. The others
awake were glued to the screen. Her mind was racing.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
[One month later...August, 2004]
The reunion had gone off without a hitch,
aside from everyone dragging Brian and Jenny out to have a belated celebration
over the couple's engagement. Lance left to catch up with NS while the Boys
got ready to travel around the world, as usual, to record their album. Armed
with all the songs written, half written, or those that were still ideas,
the Boys were presently in Sweden.
Brian and AJ were in a recording booth,
adlibbing and doing touch-ups to an almost-finished track. Max Martin was
coaching them from the control room while Kevin, Howie, and Nick were in
the hallway looking over the next song. Kevin took one last bite of his banana
and shot it like a basketball into the trash. Nick raised an eyebrow and
chucked his plastic cup in after. Kevin gave a weak smile and sighed, checking
the time on his watch, before reaching for his cell. He walked a few feet
away to make his call, though not out of earshot of his bandmates.
"Sarah?"
"Oh, hey, Kevin..." Her voice trailed
off.
"I've been meaning to ask you, but
I always forget...would you let me use some of your stuff in my songs? You
know, the numerous things you've shown me over the years. I swear I'll let
you listen to anything I do and make the final decision about if they'll
even go on the album, and you'll totally get credit for anything that is
yours..." Kevin proposed his plan. "By the way, are you ever gonna come and
do some singing for us?" he chuckled. "C'mon, we'll fly you out to Sweden."
"Use whatever you want, Kevin...And
we both know that you don't need my voice on your album, of all things..."
Sarah gave a deep sigh. She had just been cleaning her room and had run into
all her old college undergrad stuff. Such memories of being so lost without
a purpose or passion in life, only armed with an empty major, hadn't left
her in the spiffiest of moods. Kevin didn't know this, and furrowed his brows.
It was one thing to talk to her in person, they were almost back to normal,
but whenever they were separated, she sounded so distant on the phone, no
matter what he did.
"Aw, c'mon, don't talk like that...Your
voice would be a beautiful addition to any of my tracks, to this album."
"Kevin, stop, ok? Please."
"Stop what?"
"Stop always trying to compliment me.
Maybe it makes me feel uncomfortable, ok?" She snapped. The second the words
left her mouth, Sarah wished she could take them back. She just wished he
was there, to hug.
Kevin took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."
There was a moment of silence when Sarah didn’t reply. Kevin finally spoke
up, letting his frustration get the best of him for the time being. "Sarah,
why can't you let me back in? If I knew you like I used to, I wouldn't upset
you so easily." He was sick of walking around every issue. He could just
imagine her closing her eyes, trying to find evasive words, as always.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Sarah
replied before thinking. "Maybe I should have never let you 'in' in the first
place. How do you know if you were ever let in at all? You may not know me
like you used to, and I'm sorry that what we have right now is different,
but that's all I can give you. Stop trying so hard to get something that
you can't have." Sarah's voice was quivering. She silently berated herself
for constantly hurting Kevin, for always blowing up over the stupidest things.
Why couldn’t she stop the biting words? Why was it such an involuntary action
to be so mean to him? Why was she always trying to turn him away?
Kevin heard her voice faltering. He
could imagine the tears that were welled in her eyes. Had it been any other
person in the world, he might have snapped, yelled, and hung up on them.
But this was Sarah. He couldn't do that to her. No matter how much she could
try to verbally beat him up to push him away, he stubbornly remained patient
and forgiving.
"Sarah, don't forget that no matter
what you do, I...I care for you..." he spoke softly and carefully into the
phone. He always had to catch himself, to not use the three taboo words that
he had uttered during their big fight, even though a year had passed since
that event. It seemed like it had happened an eternity ago, but he knew she
couldn’t handle it... Sarah scrunched her eyes and let the tears fall,
hanging on his every word as it filtered through the phone line, knowing
exactly what he was trying to say, yet at the same time, she didn't want
to believe it. When he was met by silence instead of any more retaliation
from her, he continued. "I hope it's still okay if I use your poetry for
my songs. I'll talk it over again with you later when I have them in more
audible forms to share with you. It's my turn in the main booth right now.
I'll talk to you later, ok?"
"Ok..." her voice was small.
"Bye." He waited for a second, then
hung up when he didn't hear anything.
On the other side of the ocean, almost
halfway across the globe, Sarah looked at the phone in her hands. "I'm sorry,
Kevin," she whispered for no one to hear.
Kevin placed his cell phone back in
his pocket and headed towards the recording area, leaving Howie and Nick
in the hallway. Though they had only heard his half of the conversation,
they knew who had been on the other end. And judging by Kevin's slow pace,
it had been another rough road on some subject with Sarah.
Nick watched his big brother leave
the hallway silently. He rolled his eyes and sighed.
"When the hell is this going to end?
I'm getting sick of it!"
"Well I bet he and Sarah are, too...
"She's the one that's preventing anything
from happening! I hate to see him in such pain, and for so long..."
"Kevin's running into a wall, Nick.
But he hasn't realized that it doesn't help to bloody himself against brick,
stone, and cement. He needs to let that wall crumble, then keep going."
Nick turned to Howie. "D--"
"Shut it," Howie almost snapped back.
Why did it seemed like he was the only one would could see what was going
on? "Just because Sarah pushes him away doesn't mean anything either. She's
more petrified than he is but they're both just too stubborn to notice. Sure,
Kevin's been in love before, we all have, we all know that, but these girls
are different to us. We know that, too. Maybe your little vision of 'a perfect
world' isn't so farfetched, ok?" he pointed out. Nick shrugged. "But we're
each taking our own sweet time for different reasons. Maybe it's different
because for once, a girl didn't faint in Kevin's presence. Maybe, cuz for
once, she didn't confuse her teenage idol crush with any particular affections
and remained neutral when so many others in the past didn't. Maybe for once,
because she's the one running, not him, that this seems like a frightening,
impossible challenge. Maybe, for some reason, this whole ordeal is just different
from all his past relationships. But different in a good way..." Howie trailed
off for a moment, trying to find the right words to match his observations.
"And when he can walk past that crumbled wall--yes 'when,' not 'if'--it will
be all for the better. And it'll be far from any conquest. It will have taken
the most work and he will cherish her with all his life. But that will take
time. Who knows how much time...Just leave them alone."
Nick raised an eyebrow and munched
on a sandwich he had grabbed. "Ok..."
"Sorry," Howie laughed lightly. "Kind
of got carried away…."
"Damn, D. The Silent Observer explodes?"
Nick grinned, shaking his head slightly. Howie was right, but it still hurt
him to see his big brother so troubled. Nick hoped against hope that the
wall could crumble soon...and in truth, it would take a few more months...
[Later that night]
Sarah tossed and turned, but she couldn't
wake up.
In her mind, she was running into gray
walls, trapped in a maze. She could hear Kevin calling her, and as much as
his voice felt like comfort, her legs kept going. All of a sudden she reached
what seemed to be the middle of the maze. The walls vanished. She was surrounded
by blue. Everywhere. Was she floating? The familiar tune of Brandy's "Have
You Ever?" wafted throughout the space; images of the faithful day when she,
Jenny, and Julie had met the Boys flashed in front of her. The images paused
on the scene where she had sung this very song for everyone; it zoomed in
on Kevin, how he looked so enthralled, just listening to her, watching her.
"...have you finally found the One you've given your heart to, only that
One won't give their heart to you?...." Was her mind trying to explain Kevin's
feelings with the lyrics? Why all the memories?
The song quickly faded into silence,
as if giving up on trying to convey any meaning. Kevin appeared behind her,
and somehow, she knew to turn around. Her breath caught--his eyes, he looked
so sad, so defeated. Chords were struck and music began to play. Out of an
involuntary action, she began to sing.
"I don't want you to give it all up and
leave your own life collecting dust. And I don't want you to feel sorry for
me--"
"You never gave us the chance to be,"
he interrupted
"And I don't need you to be by my side
to tell me that everything's all right--"
"I just wanted you to tell me the truth.
You know I'd do that for you," his voice continuing with the rest of the
song. "So why are you running away? Why are you running away?....Cause I
did enough to show you that I was willing to give and sacrifice. And I was
the one who was lifting you up when you thought your life had had enough.
But when I get close, you turn away; there's nothing that I can do or say.
So now I need you to tell me the truth; you know I'd do that for you..."Is
it me, is it you? Nothing that I can do to make you change your mind..."
Phrases were repeated, but certain words remained in her mind, "Is it a waste
of time?...What is it I've got to say...to make you admit you're afraid?...Why
are you running away?"**
Sarah shot up in bed, sweating. When would
it stop? The songs, the movie, now dreams? It seemed like the more afraid
and scared she got, the more there were reminders everywhere she turned.
Little did she know that Kevin had experienced
the same thing. At that same moment, he was sitting up in his bed, confused
and sweating, too.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
[7 months later...March, 2005]
The November release of the Boys' new single
was met with great success. The girls held their own version of an executive
single-release party in the house when it was time for the reunion, complete
with the ever-adorable animals, pillow fights, rented movies, and more than
one escapade in the pool. Though lives were getting busy, everyone knew that
they always had the reunions to fall back on. The week or so once every four
months provided a no-excuses vacation to be spent catching up with everyone
on every subject.
But it cannot be ignored that everyone was
indeed busy, and, not to mention, scattered about the country. Jenny, of
course, was in Massachusetts, still at Harvard. She and Brian had bought
an apartment there that in the recent months had been scarcely lived in by
him due to recording studios being all around the world. With everyone bothering
them about a marriage date, the couple conceded to a simple "later!" on accounts
that Jenny was adamant on finishing with medical school first.
Chin and AJ, with a last minute and seemingly
random decision, had chosen a condo in New York instead of Florida. She had
dappled about in the fashion scene, but had charmed her way into designing
the costumes for the Boys' next tour.
Speaking of New York, Nick and Julie had
sold their apartment and had moved to the city as well. Julie finally had
her dream job: she was working at the New York Times.
Lance was on down time with N Sync, and
had convinced Hannah to also move there. He'd spend time there, with family,
with his band; he was all over the place. By chance, she was working as a
photographer for the very same newspaper as Julie. And, by some sweet-talking
from Nick, Hannah's new home was next door to the couple. The moves had taken
place slowly and separately, but Sarah soon began complaining that everyone
was leaving her alone in the house by moving to the other side of the country.
Cathy was still "home," for the time being.
She had slowly weaned herself from her roles at the YMCA and was finally
giving up her break between undergrad and grad school. She was thinking about
applying to medical school to become a pediatrician, having found a new love
for kids by coaching and teaching at the Y. Howie had joked that she would
be too clumsy to be any kind of doctor, and she had simply whispered to him
that it was his fault, because of his effect on her, and he had better not
be around her when she was on the job, whenever that would be in the future...At
the present time, she was furiously studying for the MCATs.
As Kevin had noted, things were much better
with Sarah when he could talk to her face to face; she didn't have the ability
to act distant or try to get away. By this point, the accident was almost
three years in the past, and finally, their relationship was almost like
it had once been. Though constantly nagged by his strong feelings for her,
he tried to ignore them and instead chose to submerse himself in building
their friendship, to make it even better than it had once been. Sarah indeed
was happier, considering she finally felt useful; she had taken over the
webmaster job for the Boy's site was adding new features all the time, while
experimenting with ever-changing graphics and ideas. She was having a field
day, while The Firm and the Boys loved whatever was produced.
Little details aside, the new year brought
a grand album-release party in New York. Everyone who was anyone was there,
and all the girls and Lance joined in the festivities for the whole weekend.
The Boys ran the talkshow circuit, and made more than one appearance on MTV.
For awhile, the network tried to get a special sit-down with John Norris,
the Boys, and the girls included, but management only gave in to an exclusive
interview with AJ and Chin about their marriage. True, it was almost their
first year anniversary, but the channel had never sat down with the couple,
and considering the album, any exposure was good for promotional purposes.
The extended weekend ended the Tuesday the album was released, and though
everyone besides the Boys had to return to other commitments, once again,
everyone looked forward to the reunion in March.
Now that was the third month of the year,
everybody did their usual bumbling into the house in some random order, and
the first night everyone was together, it was decided that a long-overdue
trip to Disneyland was needed. Sure, a few rides would be down, and it was
cold weather, but it was the best time to go because it was off-season. However,
because of the recent album release and the fact that the Boys were in the
limelight again, management would not take "no" for an answer and flew in
the Boys' normal bodyguards for the trip...
_____________
*from the script of the movie "Chasing Amy"
**from the song "Running Away" by Hoobastank