DWLYN[November 2001 Meeting...before Nick & Julie's break up]
Prologue...part two
"Popcorn?"
"Check," Kevin said, plopping down beside Sarah with an almost-overflowing bowl of buttered & popped corn kernels.
"Pillows?"
Kevin hopped up and grabbed some from the other couches. "Check." He chucked one at Sarah's head as he headed back towards their couch, pillows under each arm.
"HEY!"
"You asked..."
"Whatever. Blankets?"
"Check.,.err...well...only one." He sat down and grabbed one that was hanging on the armrest.
"We can deal. You'd better not hog it."
"Me? Hog? Never!" Kevin grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around himself, grinning. Sarah smacked him until he gave in and let her have half.
"OWCH! Jenny really teaches you guys, huh?"
"I'd like to think kickboxin' had something to do with it..."
"KAY, GUYS! WE'RE OFF!" AJ whizzed by, heading for the garage, where everyone else was waiting to go out to dinner.
"I personally think this is nicer, don't you?" Sarah smiled at AJ's figure as he popped back in and ran towards the closet, frantically searching for his coat. Kevin nodded as AJ almost left with Sarah's coat and returned to the closet to search again. "I mean, we've already had dinner..." Sarah laughed. Both could hear the groans and yells from the waiting people occupying the garage. "...And now we get to sit on a comfy couch." AJ found what he was looking for, did a mini victory dance, waved to the two of them, and darted back out.
"BYE!" both yelled at him.
"Hey! You started the movie?" Kevin asked, noticing it was running.
"Genius, I told you I'd start it at nine-thirty. Smart people make popcorn and show up for the checklist before the movie starts..." Sarah tried to focus on the screen, knowing that if she looked at him, she'd burst out laughing.
"So I take it you don't want any popcorn? Or pillows? Or the blanket?"
"I never said that."
"I'll let you share cuz I'm nice."
"Ever so nice. I know."
"You should thank me."
"I thank you. Now shush." Sarah took her hand and placed it atop his head, turning it so he faced the screen. Kevin gave up and kept silent for a few minutes, trying to figure out the plot line.
"So what's going on?" he whispered.
"I don't know anymore. You've been distracting me."
"Oh, really?" Kevin wiggled his eyebrows and leaned in close to her. Sarah made a face while leaning away and placed a hand on his chest.
"You're as bad as AJ sometimes. Don't flatter yourself, Rico Suavé."
"Hey!"
"Watch the movie."
"We aren't watching it anyway," Kevin noted. "Why start now?"
"I was watching it."
"'Was' being the key word."
"Shut up."
"You," he replied. Sarah stuck out her tongue at Kevin."That's mature."
"Shut up."
"Like I said before: YOU."
"How's about you?"
"What if you do instead?"
"What if you let me watch the movie?"
"What if you admit you should give up on watching the movie?"
"What if you realize that you're what's preventing me from watching the movie?"
"What if I decided to turn the TV off?"
"What if I really hurt you?"
"What if we had WORLD PEACE!?" Kevin flailed his arms, knocking over the bowl of popcorn.
"What if you cleaned that up?"
"What if I didn't?" Kevin grinned. Sarah gave him the don't-mess-with-me look. "Alright. You win." Kevin leaned over to pick up the scattered kernels.
"Women always win," Sarah lightly laughed as she got of the couch and kneeled on the floor to help him. Once the carpet seemed clean, they got up, both holding the bowl with the fallen food, and headed towards the kitchen to throw it out. On their way back into the family room, Kevin spoke up.
"So you want to continue?"
"With...?" Sarah asked, sitting on the couch.
"The ‘what if' game."
"Um...if you want to." Sarah kept her eyes on the screen, but Kevin knew she was listening. He thought for a few minutes and decided to take the serious approach to things...instead of taking the usual comedic road for the game.
"What if life was perfect again?"
"Was it?" Sarah looked at him. Nothing was perfect. Ever. At least not for her.
"Yes. No one was fighting and everyone was together."
"Kind of," Sarah sighed, looking down at her hands. Not everyone was together...
Kevin raised his eyebrows. "Kind of?"
She looked up and caught herself. "Anyway..." Sarah looked away, searching for something to say to get past the awkward silence that was threatening to settle. "What if Brian and Jenny still loved each other?"
"What if??"
"Yeah."
"I think they still do..."
"Maybe."
"And AJ and Chin..."
"Yeah...Hey, what if you guys made another album?" Sarah piped up, trying to stay away from the depressing subject of broken relationships.
"That's a given, dear," Kevin interrupted. "We haven't stopped, just took a break."
"You didn't let me finish," Sarah yawned. "What if it set a record for sales for the next 50 years?" she smiled at him and he returned it.
"Now that would be cool."
Sarah nodded, then stretched. "Dude, it's so early, and I'm tired...it's only a little past ten." She snuggled into the mound of blankets separating her and Kevin, trying to get comfortable. "I guess I'll turn the movie off." Her eyes looked droopy as she reached for the controller and turned the VCR and TV off.
"It's not a sin to sleep, Sarah. Just close your eyes."
"I can't. I'm not comfy," she whined, returning to her battle with the pillows "Stupid...damn...lumpy...things!"
Kevin chuckled. "Don't curse at defenseless inanimate things, my dear. You're scaring the animals."
Sarah looked around and noticed that all the pets had made their way into the room since the two had returned from the kitchen. Five heads were up from their resting place; five sets of eyes watching her. The cats were the first to return to slumber land, followed by the dogs.
"I'm so tired," Sarah wailed quietly.
"Here," Kevin offered his lap. Sarah looked at him quizzically, then at his lap, seeming hesitant. "I promise I won't bite," he smiled.
"Ok," Sarah muttered almost inaudibly before lying down on her side, resting her head in his lap and shifting around slightly to get comfortable. Soon, she was fast asleep, joining the animals in dream world.
Without thinking, Kevin began to lightly stroke her hair. She hadn't blow-dried it, so it was wavy and full of big ringlets and loose curls which he silently separated and twirled around his fingers. He smiled as she murmured something incoherently in her sleep and snuggled up to him. He remembered the game they had given up.
"Sarah...?"
There was no response. Sprite had decided to have a new view of the room and had come and settled on Sarah's hip. Besides Kevin's fingers and the snuggling cat, there was no other movement.
"Sarah..." Kevin began again, sure that she couldn't hear him. "What if I said...I was falling in love with you?"
_______________
When she was little, she never dwelt on her future. But then again, most children don't.
She would play with the idea of fate and destiny, and liked believing in both for fun. She never worried about the little things like her career...or her future soul-mate, for that matter. "Mr. Right" had no real meaning to her--she would just end up with someone; when she was small, she knew that...it was a given. There was someone out there for her and he would find her when the time came.
Plain and simple.
But as the years rolled by, Destiny seemed to overlook one increasingly important aspect in her life. Her heart grew more and more lonely every day. Now older, she began to re-examine her childish thinking.
Was "he" really out there? ...Did "he" even exist?
She couldn't even say "I love you" to her parents. Was something wrong with her? She never said it to her friends, either. It felt too odd.
But she wanted someone to love, someone who could love her back...to care for her like no one else ever had. She wanted that special connection with someone. That bond. Somebody to love her for her...someone to be more than just a friend.
But that someone had never come into her life, and there was nothing she could see to do about it. Though she hated it, she had no control over the one thing that she wanted the most...something that everyone else had...something that Fate had seemed to have forgotten about...and all she could do was wait...alone.
And that scared her.
Over time, however, she came to the conclusion that she couldn't be loved. It wasn't possible. No one would ever be able to love her, no one could ever love her...and she just had to accept that.
_______________
[JULY 2003]
"WHY?" She turned around and cut him off, looking at him through a blurred vision. "Why, Kevin...WHY?" She looked him straight in the eye while trying to fight back tears.
A million thoughts ran through his head, but he could not verbalize a single one.
He took a step to get closer to her, but stopped dead in his tracks when she started to speak again.
"Why would you want a person who isn't perfect when perfection is what you deserve?" she began, still looking at him. "Why would you want to put your arms around a fat, pudgy waist when you could have anyone? Why would you want someone who has the memory capacity of a caterpillar? Why would you want to deal with someone who has no direction in her life? Why would you want to be with someone who's too self-conscious and shy for her own good?" She continued to rattle off numerous 'imperfections.' Kevin didn't respond. "...Why would you want someone who hates the life she leads and would only pull you down with her? A person who can't do anything right? Someone who's so emotionally unstable on the inside that it scares the shit out of her?!" She was almost yelling by now...if the strained, wavering voice could be labeled as a yell.
She hadn't broken her gaze with him. Her chin was trembling against her will. She pressed her lips together and closed her eyes tightly, as if to squeeze out any of the remaining tears that had been overflowing down her cheeks for some time now.
He was speechless. He just stood there, unmoving, and felt as if his feet were cemented to the floor. She opened her eyes and looked up at him again, and spoke softly, as if almost scared to continue.
"Why would you want...me?"
>>Chapter One