-->Chapter Twenty: I've.Found.I.Just.Can't.Leave.You.Alone [PART TWO] "Why do we just ignore anything that could possibly end our friendship...?" Chin slowly asked almost inaudibly, out of the blue, half talking to herself... half in fear that her words might promote something.
AJ looked up from shooting pool, realizing she was awake.
"W-what?" he asked, confused.
"Nevermind," Chin sighed. She cursed herself for letting her mouth even open while she had been thinking. "Where's Sprite?"
"She's sitting in the box right there." AJ pointed to a box on the other side of the room.
"Oh..." Chin smiled as AJ walked over to check up on the kitten. "How does she look?" Chin asked, still sitting on the beanbag.
"Not as sickly..." AJ muttered, studying Sprite for a moment, before taking the cat and setting her on the side of the pool table so he could resume his game.
"Hey, Coke..." Chin smiled down as the brown ball of fur slipped through the half way opened door.
"So, what were you talking about?" AJ asked. Chin got up and got a pool stick.
"What?" Chin took the stick and walked over to the pool table. "Oh, just forget about it."
"You can't just drop it, Chin...it was about our friendship." AJ tried to catch her eye, but she was intent on concentrating on the pool balls. He knew what she had said; he just wanted her to confirm that she had meant it.
She pretended to be too caught up with the game, and took her turn. She stood up, leaning on her stick, and waited for him to go, not once picking her gaze up from the pool table. AJ decided to take the problem into his hands. He had to face it.
"D...do you want our friendship to end...?" he quietly asked with a worried voice.
"What?" Chin looked up, having not expected anything more about it from him. "No! That's not what I meant! I was just saying that...that..." Chin struggled to find the words.
"I'm getting a hint that we should talk about-"
"What has happened," Chin finished. AJ leaned his pool stick against the wall, pulled a beanbag chair across from where Chin stood, and sat down.
"All yours..." AJ sighed. She smiled at his readiness to talk. She put her stick down and grabbed her beanbag and sat facing him.
"Well...I guess...We could start at the...the..." Chin didn't want to say it. Both averted their eyes from one another.
"The fight." AJ looked down.
"What happened?" Chin asked softly.
"Everything just went wrong..."
"You don't have a better answer...?"
"Well what do you want me to say?!"AJ's voice rose before he could stop it. Chin drew in a sharp breath.
"Alex, I don't know what's going on, I really don't," she said after a few moments. "I don't know what happened that day. My end consisted of me wanting our friendship to be okay. I wasn't about to let something this good get away. That's why I was so persistent...But I never found out why, Alex... Why did you yell at me?"
AJ stared hard at the ground and finally spoke up.
"I was on the edge, that's all, Chin." He looked up at her. "I guess I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something. I was trying to get away...cuz I knew if I just stayed away from you as much as possible till we had to leave, everything would be fine...We would continue our friendship without being so...so..." AJ swallowed. Was he really going to tell her? She knew already, didn't she? After dinner...
"So close?" Chin whispered, her eyes on the floor between them. Silence followed for a few minutes.
"Chin...If we both...if we both feel the same about each other..." He tried to find the words. "Why does it feel so hard to get there?" he asked her softly. Chin looked up and studied AJ for a moment and then looked away.
"So we are at least saying that what Nick said...is true?" Chin looked AJ in the eyes. He took a deep breath and nodded.
"For me it is. It's been for a long while now, hon...Is it true for you?" he asked her. Chin was silent for a moment.
"Y-yes..." she answered quietly. She couldn't deny it anymore. AJ was about to speak but Coke crawled to him and curled up on his feet, making both of them smile. Chin watched AJ as he played with Coke's paws for a moment.
She had a sudden flash of everything. All the pain before. If that was just as friends...how badly would it hurt when he said those words if they had been more than friends? 'I don't need you or want you in my life' had echoed in her head ever since that horrible day in January. Chin shivered just thinking about it. "I don't know if I can do this..." Chin got up from the beanbag.
"Chin...Don't leave. We have to talk this out." AJ got up and grabbed her wrist as she walked to the door.
"No...I can't..." Chin pulled away from his grasp. AJ shot in front of Chin and slammed the door shut.
"Chin, neither of us is going to have the chance to leave, okay? At least not until everything is sorted out. Otherwise...we'll leave at worse than how it was to begin with..." AJ put his hands on Chin's shoulders. "We are going to talk until we are can be able to live happily ever after..." he said softly. Chin cringed and kept her eyes down.
"AJ, I can't...I can't do this..." She backed away, slowly fighting the tears.
"Why not, Chin? You're the one who wanted to talk in the first place-"
"That was before...before...before I remembered..." Chin swallowed and felt herself back into the door. Without looking at him, she brushed past him to go sit on the couch. AJ knelt down in front of her.
"Remembered what?" he spoke slowly.
"Everything, Alex...The words you said. Whether you meant them or not now... they came from inside you...and sometimes...that's all I can hear...Those words...and all I can see was that anger in your eyes..." Chin was holding tightly to herself as tears began to stream down her cheeks. Before AJ could say anything, she continued. "And what you said...on New Year's Eve...about your heart..." Chin laughed uneasily. "Well, apparently it went the other way around as well." She looked at AJ. "Cuz when you said that you...that you didn't need me...or want me in your life...I died, Alex...my heart stopped cold-"
"Chin," AJ breathed and wrapped his arms tightly around her, "Please, please don't finish. You're killing me... I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I can't say it enough. You know...you know I am. I died, too, hon. When the words came flying out of my mouth...I didn't know what I was doing," he spoke into her hair, still holding onto her tightly. "You never knew this, Chin, but the one thing I have feared for the past 8 months was hurting you. I never wanted to be responsible for causing you pain, ever...I didn't want you to live your own fear. And then I screwed up," AJ sighed. "But I promise you, Chin, I promise you with all my heart...nothing like that will ever happen again." He pulled away to look Chin in the eyes. "And I'll make sure no one ever hurts you, either."
Chin bit her lip and stood up.
"I'd better check on Sprite..." She wiped away a tear and walked to the snow-white cat who was now asleep on the pool table.
"Chin, don't run away from this..." AJ stood up and turned to her.
"Run away? ME? Alex, I have been swallowing what you said for the last few months. While Jenny and Sarah at least had Kevin and Brian in their hearts a few days ago, I had NO ONE. I sat there in that stupid basement, not knowing where you were or if you even cared. All I could hear were those words. Those words you claim just came out without your permission." Chin shifted her eyes to a wall as tears fell. "Alex, I needed you so bad when we were kidnapped. So bad..." she said softly. "I was afraid. I couldn't show that to Jenny and Sarah. I would have caused more fear and where would we have been then? I know...I know you couldn't have been there. I know it's not your fault those stupid words repeat. But what other words do I have to go by?" AJ cringed as he watched Chin breakdown for the second time that year with everything that had been weighing down on her.
How about, "I love you, Chin"? he thought. Why couldn't he just say it?
"When we came back it was the same," Chin almost whispered. "Who in the world was I going to go to now? Who, AJ?!" He flinched when she called him AJ. Chin squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stop her tears.
"Chin..." AJ began, but didn't know what to say. He started to walk towards her, but stopped when he saw her back up. Silence had crept up on them again.
"Alex, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this had to happen...but I can't do this. I can't. I promised myself I wouldn't stick my heart out there anymore..." Slowly Chin walked to the door and AJ said nothing. Only when she reached the door, did he get up, and rush to her side, grabbing her arm to stop her from leaving.
"Alex, let go," Chin's voice cracked as she tried not to look at him.
"No." He met her eyes. "Chin...will you...dance with me?" he asked softly. Chin listened to the music that was floating from the player. It was "If I Don't Have You". AJ didn't notice Chin stiffen as the beginning notes began to play. "Work like you don't need the money...Dance like no one's watching," AJ pulled Chin into his arms when she didn't refuse. "...Love like you've never been hurt," he spoke softly into her hair .Every day....girl, I wake up and pray They swayed silently, neither knowing if they could speak, or what they should say.
That you'll come back home....
And don't take too long
Cuz, since you've been gone
Everything's gone...hurt and wrong
I wish you were here,
Holding me near
"Alex?"
"Yeah?" he whispered.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For...yelling at you."
"Don't be. I deserved it," he laughed softly. She tightened her grip on him as they continued to sway.You know I'd go...Outta my mind "Chin?" AJ whispered.
If you ever left ...my heart behind
So I'm begging you please
(so I'm beggin, beggin' you please)
Bring your sweet love back to me
(please come back to me, ooh)
"Yeah?"
"You can always come to me... And I mean what I said...about the promise...about never letting anyone hurt you." AJ pulled away a little bit to look at her. "I'll always care for you. Remember this?" He took one of his hands and held the ring that dangled from her necklace. "Forever," he whispered. "Got that?" He looked her straight in the eyes. She silently nodded, a smile creeping onto her lips.If I don't have you
(don't ...have...you)
To hold on to
(to...hold on to)
I can't go on
In this world alone
Baby, it's true
(baby it's true... if I don't have you)
If you said goodbye
(you...said....goodbye)
Girl, I would die
(girl...I would die)
I'm a star with no light
A day with no night
If I don't have you
"NO, I WILL NOT FOLLOW YOU IN THERE, YOU FREAKS!!" I screamed from my resting spot on one of the sandunes. Nick, Julie, Cathy, Howie, Lance, Hannah, and Kevin were all splashing around in the water. Guess who they wanted to come in and join them? Yours truely...II didn't feel like freezing to death. No thank you.
"Keep it down, will ya?" Brian grimaced, then grinned. He was sitting a body-length down from me, his toes fiddling with the sand. The body length was Jenny - her head was on his lap, her feet on mine.
"Seriously, Sarah," Jenny smiled, her eyes closed. "Keep that voice for singing, not yelling."
"Well, I'm sorry, miss Sand Princess," I replied.
"You'd better believe it," she laughed.
Brian and I looked at each other and smiled. We knew what we had to do...
20 minutes later, the Princess had fallen asleep. What better way to wake up then all warm under your own blanket of sand...?
After slowdancing, the CD had switched to some fast tracks, and both AJ and Chin couldn't resist making complete fools of themselves. After a few songs, Chin excused herself for some air, ordered AJ to watch the kittens, and went to the kitchen to get some water for the two of them. When she returned, she found AJ rolling some balls around the pool table, both furballs running after them.
"How long can they be at the beach?" Chin asked as she came up beside him and handed him a glass of water.
"Thanks." He took the water. "I don't know...I guess time flies. They probably think it's still before midnight," he laughed, seeing the clock read close to 1AM. Chin sipped her water. It was silent for awhile as the two watched the kittens trip over and run after the pool balls. It wasn't the kind of silence that had to be filled. It was...of understanding. The atmosphere was not longer tense. No more questions. No threat, no feeling that the world could and would come crashing down at any instant ...Facing what had happened seemed to have lifted the difficulities off their shoulders. It was easier to breathe, easier to get along...
"Wanna play strip pool?"
"W-what?" AJ coughed, spitting some water. The kittens screamed at him for their unwanted shower. Chin grinned.
"Do...you...want-" Chin slowly repeated her words.
"I heard that!" AJ laughed, "I wasn't sure if YOU said it."
"Hey." Chin pouted, getting a pool stick. "I'm not as angelic as you might think," she whispered as she passed him.
"Oh really?" AJ raised an eyebrow and watched her set the balls with the triangle. "Might that be a hint to something?"
"Of course not..." Chim smiled seductively and leaned over to shoot the solid 4 ball in.
"Nice shot," AJ whistled, strolling next to her.
"Thanks." Chin curtsied. "So, how about it? For every ball I hit into a pocket... " she said, leaning forward, "you must take off something..." she whispered.
"And if I get a ball into a pocket...?" AJ leaned in, playing along.
"I take off something..." she whispered again.
"Are you sure you know what you're getting into?"
"I'm positive!" Chin yelped, "Don't think you can beat me that easily!"
"We'll see...Now remember, this is not how we played strip poker once-upon-a-time. No leaving the room to get extra clothing." He wagged a finger at her. "We start right now."
"You are on!" Chin and AJ shook on it.
(20 minutes later)
"Move it, BONE." Chin poked AJ's bare side again.
"Hey! Watch it!" AJ still didn't move.
"I know what you're trying to do..." Chin put her hands on her hips.
"What?"
"Trying to get me to miss this shot..."
"Well, we both know how much you want to see what is under these pants... but give a guy a chance to remove that lovely skirt or shirt..."
"HA... it's not my fault if I haven't missed a shot yet," Chin grinned and looked at the nearby table on which sat AJ's shoes, socks, glasses, shirt, and wifebeater. She poked him. "Move," she demanded.
"No," he firmly stated. Chin pouted. "Don't think that's gonna work on me..." AJ looked away.
"Alex..." Chin kept pouting, looking up at him with her best puppy dog eyes. "Will you please move that cute little tushi of yours?"
"No... it's not going to work..."
"Please?" she begged. AJ made the mistake of looking down and lost himself in her eyes. "Alex?"
"Hmmm?"
"Move."
"With that tone of voice..."
"Fine, be that way..." Chin was about to poke AJ again when he grabbed the other end of the pool stick.
"HA, now who has the power?"
"Whatever, Alex, now give it back."
"You can't get me to move... and you think you have the slightest chance of getting this from me?" AJ snorted. Chin frowned.
"Well, aren't we Mister Gentleman today?"
"You wanna mess?"
"What?!"
"I said... DO you have a death wish?"
"ALEXANDER JAMES MCLEAN, BRING IT ON!" Chin tackled AJ to the ground but then he flipped her over and pinned her
"Who is the champion?" AJ smiled evilly.
"Me!" Chin flipped AJ over and sat on him. "You lost, I won," she declared.
"Fine, the lady won. Now she must give the loser a kiss." AJ's eyes widened when he caught what he had just said. Chin didn't seem to notice.
"When was that rule written in!?"
"Just now." He decided to keep with it.
"Whatever."
"Come on." Would she?
"No." What was with him?
"Why not?"
"Why yes?"
"Just a little peck?" I can't believe I'm doing this...
"No!"
"On the cheek?" What am I saying?
"No!"
"Just a little one!" Give it up, man.
"AJ!"
"What?" He looked at her innocently...for once he was going to ignore his mind. She cracked a smile.
"Fine." She gave in. What am I doing?
"Really?"
"Small one."
"Okay, exactly-"
"On the-"
"Lips."
"You said cheek!"
"Ah well... I lied."
"AJ!"
"Okay, okay! Cheek it is!"
"Close your eyes."
"Why?" AJ whined.
"Do you want a kiss or not?"
"Yeah, fine." AJ closed his eyes.
"Eyes for the beauty they hold..." Chin kissed his eyes. "Cheeks for how much I just want to pinch them every time I see them..."
AJ laughed as she kissed his cheeks.
"And?"
"AND?! There is an and?" Chin exclaimed.
"You don't like my voice?" AJ pouted and sat down on the sofa.
"No, no, no. I love your singing..." Chin climbed into his lap.
"Prove it."
"Alex, I can't believe you!" Chin sighed deeply.
"It's not like we aren't both interested..." AJ whispered, looking down and fumbling with his hands. Chin looked up surprised. "Chin...we did agree that what Nick said was true..." he grinned and looked at her, trying to keep the conversation in it's joking form.
"We did? I seem to have forgotten that." Chin played along, joking.
"If these cats could talk," AJ began as he got up, "they'd be my witnesses!" He scooped up one kitten in each hand. Chin smiled and followed him as he returned to the couch. He sat down, put Sprite on his lap, and patted the area beside him with his free hand. Chin sat, and he placed Coke in her lap. She leaned over, and rested her head on his shoulder. "Someday, Alex...I'll show you," she whispered, petting Coke. Silence met them again, but they found no urge to fill it.
Brian and Nick decided to race each other to our house as we turned the corner onto our street. Both were soaking wet. I don't know how Brian had the energy, at least. When Jenny had woken up, covered from neck to toe in sand, she was a little pissed. To redeem myself, I helped by digging her out...as soon as she could stand, she was after Brian. That was amusing.
I suddenly grabbed onto Kevin's arm as everyone yelled at the two goofballs running towards our door.
"What is it?" He leaned down and whispered in my ear.
"Last time..." I trailed off, not wanting to finish.
"I'm right here this time." Kevin removed his arm from my grasp and draped it around me, pulling me close to him as we walked. I looked up at him and smiled lightly.
"I WON!!"
"YOU CHEATED!!!" we heard Nick and Brian yelling from our front door. The rest of us reached the driveway and looked at the madmen.
"WHAT!?" they exclaimed back at us. Julie swatted her boyfriend.
"It's 3:30AM in the morning. Shut up." She opened the door and headed inside. Nick looked at us then ran inside after her.
"I'm the one that won," Brian whispered to Jenny as she passed him. She rolled her eyes at him and continued walked. "What!?" he called after her, following her inside.
"Bath time for the second time today," Hannah grumbled, scuffing her sandy feet on the door mat.
"Actually, first, considering it's the morning," Lance grinned.AJ slowly opened his eyes and lifted his head up. They gradually focused and he observed his surrounding silently. He was still in the gameroom. Chin was snuggled up against him, quietly sleeping, almost in fetal position, her left arm around his lower back and her right hand resting on his chest, along with her head. He had been resting his head on hers. His right arm was draped around her back, meeting his left so she was in his light embrace. Coke was nestled in the space created between the back of the couch and her legs bent at her knees. Sprite was on his lap, nuzzled against his tummy and Chin's right elbow. He assumed the rest of us were home from the noise that we were making downstairs. Chin began to stir in his arms. He looked down and met her sleepy eyes and they opened.
"Should we go down and greet everyone?" he asked her quietly. She looked at the partially open door and listened to the ruckus. She turned her head back to look at AJ and shook it before resting it back on his chest. He smiled and kissed her forehead.
For some reason, he had an urge to continue.
He kissed the bridge of her nose, both of her closed eyes, and then the tip of her nose. By now Chin had opened her eyes again. He stopped and met her questioning look. She noticed his eyes avert their gaze to her lips, then back to her eyes. Both involuntarily leaned in, closing the small gap between their faces, their lips brushing. AJ's arms tightened around Chin's body as she brought her right hand up from his chest to rest on his cheek. When they broke apart, both shyly smiled at one another.
It had been so simple.
Before AJ could say anything, Chin put a finger to his lips silently, then closed her eyes and returned to her sleeping position, this time wrapping both arms around his waist. He sighed and rested his head back atop hers, and closed his eyes as well."You're eating NOW?" I asked the guys incredulously - they were raiding our fridge. All the lights in the kitchen were on. We had only gotten back about 15 minutes ago. Jenny came and stood beside me, her hands on her hips. Julie joined us, crossing her arms. Cathy and Hannah walked up to stare at the guys as well.
"What?" they asked us innocently as they piled food on the countertop.
"It IS somewhat close to breakfast time..." Kevin pointed out, before shoving a bagel in his mouth.
"Men..." Jenny muttered, before going to sit in the family room with her dog.
"Does anyone know where Chin and AJ are?" Hannah asked.
"I'll get them." Nick disappeared to head upstairs. A few minutes later, he returned. "They're asleep in the gameroom, I didn't wanna wake them."
"How cute," Cathy giggled.Chapter Twenty-One: All.The.Tears.Inside.Are.Raindrops
.If.I.Don't.Have.You. Index
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