Chapter Eight: Face.The.Truth "And where have you two been?" Jenny asked, hands on her hips in mock anger. It was only 6:30PM.
"Out..." I took off my shoes.
"We can see that," Brian laughed, joining Jenny in the hallway. "Did Kev treat our dear Sarah to dinner?" He winked at his cousin.
"I won a bet..." I tried to explain.
"Oh really now?" Jenny smiled and crossed her arms.
"We were playing basketball...the game, Horse, actually...The loser had to take winner to dinner...I won," I explained nonchalantly as I hung up my coat.
"Mm-hmm..." Jenny raised an eyebrow at me.
"What!?" Kevin and I exclaimed at the same time. Brian snickered.
"Anyways...we were waiting for you guys...Chin wants to watch a movie." Jenny motioned for us to go to the family room. Everyone was sprawled out in comfortable positions. Chin looked up.
"Finally...I was getting tired of waiting!" she laughed, and hopped up to put the tape in the VCR. Jenny pulled Kevin and me aside before we could sit down.
"AJ got Chin a birthday present yesterday. Since you guys are leaving in a few days, he suggested we surprise her with something small today. He's gonna go get a cake for Chin during the movie. We're not going to say anything till later, though. Chin went to see her sisters earlier this morning, remember? And most of you guys were out of the house. Anyway, Howie called up Lance, and asked if he was free to come visit Hannah. He said he could for a day...so he's catching the next flight, he'll be here the day after tomorrow - yes, the same day the Boys leave, but Hannah's coming back then, too. He'll have to leave the next day, though...got that?"
"That was a lot of information..." I laughed, applying the chapstick I had just fished out of my pocket. Kevin pretended to be bewildered.
"Shhh! The movies gonna start! Sit down, you guys!" Chin exclaimed. Kevin and I sat down in the last available spot on one of the couches. Both Julie and Nick were sitting on the other end, not really paying attention to anyone. Cathy was trying to braid Howie's hair, to his dismay: "If you can have it braided for a stupid video, why can't I braid it now?" Chin was lying on her stomach on the floor with pillows - Brian ended up joining her, at first attempting to make fun of her, but then was "too lazy" to move. Jenny and AJ were behind them, leaning against the couches, involuntarily stealing glances at their best friends.
" 'Simply Irresistible'? Aw...I don't wanna see that!" Kevin half whispered, half whined, so only I could hear.
"You shush, Mr. Richardson," I put a finger to his lips. "Chin wants to see it."
"But-"
"Shh."
"Chin, you need to cook like that!" Brian teased. Chin made a face at him.
You don't have to cook like that for me to love you, Chin... AJ thought. He shook his head. He told himself he would stop, didn't he?
Is that what I have to do, Brian? Jenny thought. She frowned at herself. Why did she think that? She wasn't supposed to.
"Well, now I'm hungry," Howie broke the silence after awhile.
"D! Shh!" Cathy swatted him.
"I am too...no, don't pause the video, I'll go get some chips or something..." Julie got up. Nick was going to say something, but she shushed him. "I've seen the movie, you haven't...stay."It had been 20 long minutes since she had gone to the kitchen. Howie had forgotten about his hunger, Kevin had forgotten his complaints, Brian had forgotten his teasing, and both AJ and Jenny had forgotten their thoughts for the time being...everyone was watching the movie. Everyone, that is, except Nick. He had been thinking a bit, and now realized Julie hadn't come back. He quietly got up to go look for her in the kitchen. She was sitting by the counter, with a glass of water in her hand, staring at nothing in particular.
"Julie...?"
She looked up.
"Hi, Nick."
"Hey...what happened?"
"Nothing."
"I got worried...you didn't come back with the chips."
"OH, yeah...sorry, I forgot...I guess I got lost in thought."
"It's okay..." he smiled. They looked at each other in silence for awhile.
"Nick, I..." "Julie, I..." they began at the same time.
"You first," Nick said.
"No, you..."
"We really need to talk about us," they spoke at the same time again. They tried not to smile at the coincidence.
"I wonder if we're thinking of the same thing..." Julie thought out loud.
"We could be...Julie, you...you know I love you, right?"
"Of course I know that...and you know that I love you, too, Nick..." She got up and gave him a hug.
"But it's just too much sometimes," Nick whispered, still holding her in an embrace.
"I know what you mean..." she sighed, resting her head in the crook of his shoulder.
"But I can't explain it...It's like...It's getting too tiring to do this, sometimes...it feels like everything is too concentrated, you know?"
"You don't have to explain...I feel the same thing...It's like...like we're overdosing on each other cuz we only see one another once in awhile."
"Yeah..." Nick sighed. They were still in each other's arms, Nick had rested his head on Julie's head. There was no need to speak in a normal tone because they were close enough to hear each other's soft words.
"So what do we do?" Julie closed her eyes, not sure if she should to ask.
"What do you want to do?"
"Should we take a rest?...You'll be on tour..."
"Should we?"
"Stop making me decide, Nick," Julie tried not to laugh.
"Sorry. I guess I'm bad at these things."
"No, you're not." Julie pulled away a bit to look into his eyes.
"I just don't want you upset..."
"But this is mutual."
"Yeah..."
"So it won't upset me."
"Are you sure?"
"Sure."
They stood for while. The TV's noise quietly filtered through from the family room.
"So now what are we?...Just friends?...A couple taking a break?" Nick asked after some time. The silence was killing him. Julie looked down for a moment, not sure how to answer. She looked back up to meet his blue eyes.
"I don't know, Nick...what do you want us to be?" Julie whispered, as if afraid to ask. Nick looked down at her, not sure how to answer. Yes, he was overwhelmed like she was...but did he really want to let her go? Julie could see how unsure he was as she looked into his eyes. She looked down for a second, then looked back up and caught his gaze again. "One last time...for now..." she said almost inaudibly, finally breaking the silence again. She closed her eyes and Nick understood. He leaned in and gently kissed her. Both savoured the moment. After they broke apart, Julie lightly smiled. Nick looked towards the family room, and then back at Julie. She nodded, grabbed a bag of chips, and they headed back in to join the rest of us.
Everyone was still engrossed in the movie. Nick chucked the bag of chips at Howie, but nobody took any notice. Nick and Julie returned to their places on the couch, but didn't sit in each other's arms.
They needed the break.(about 50 min later)
"I'm hungry now!" Howie declared, stretching after the movie was over.
"It's called the bag of chips sitting by your feet," I pointed out.
"Oh."
"Mine!" Jenny pounced on the bag.
"Hell-O! I'm hungry TOO!" Cathy grabbed it.
"What about me!?" Chin whined.
"Hey, I gotta go get something from...er...the store...for...um...the trip for when we leave...I'll...uh...be back soon..." AJ disappeared.
"Just DON'T ask permission to use my car!" Chin laughed, calling after him.
"I could have used our rental...but now that you mention it...thank you!" we heard him yell from the garage.
"Hey, wasn't AJ supposed to leave during the movie?" Julie leaned over and whispered to me while playful bickering continued in the family room.
"Chin wouldn't let him. So we have to keep her busy for a few..."
"What do you guys wanna do?" Chin asked.
"I say we play some pool," Nick suggested. "Last one up there is...um...something horrible!" He dashed out of the room. The rest of us rolled our eyes and followed. Brian got up last, and Jenny waited for him.
"You okay?" She cocked her head to the side and outstretched her hand.
"Yeah," Brian smiled and accepted it in his.
"Remember what I said, earlier, mister..."
"I have been meaning to tell you...nothing's really wrong...it's just...I broke it off with Cindy this morning..." he reached the foot of the stairs; Jenny was one step ahead of him. She turned around.
"I'm...I'm sorry," she made herself give him a hug. She was sorry, she kept telling herself. This was hurting him.
"Don't be...it was going to happen sooner or later," Brian returned the hug.
And Sarah even predicted it...Jenny thought to herself.
"I'm still sorry," she said sincerely.
"I see someone's growing," Brian smiled, changing the subject. She was almost as tall as him...standing on the step, that is.
"Funny, mister. Very funny."
"You know, according to Nick, we're both something horrible right now, being last n' all," Brian pointed out.
"No...only YOU are!" Jenny laughed, and ran up the stairs.
"Chiiiin!!" AJ called from the bottom of the stairs.
"Whaaaat?" Chin yelled back.
"Can all you guys come down to the kitchen? Especially you, please!"
We all came down the stairs and followed AJ's instructions. We found a lit cake in the middle of the counter.
"Happy birthday to you..." AJ began, and we all joined in. Howie pushed Chin forward in front of the cake. The shock on her face switched to happiness as grinned idiotically through the whole song. She looked at us, then blew out the 19 candles when we finished singing.
"Okay, who wants cake?" AJ asked.
"ME!!!!" Brian and Nick yelled at the same time.
"Eternal bottom-less pits..." Kevin laughed.
"Hah, if Hannah were here, she'd be joining them," I smiled.
"Here, Jenny, cut the cake." AJ handed her the knife...I ran to get plates and forks...Nick got some ice cream out of the freezer...Kevin got the napkins...Cathy got the milk...AJ pulled Chin aside into the guestroom.
"Here." He gave her a box. It looked vaguely familiar.
"Isn't this the box Jenny got Roky in?"
"Just open it," AJ smiled. Chin did.
"Mew..." she heard as she came face to face with a white kitten.
"Happy early birthday," he smiled.
"Awww!" Chin cooed, forgetting something, as she took the kitten in her arms to hug it. "It's so sweet!"
"It's a she. What do you want to call it?"
"Snowball is too generic...she's so sweet," Chin cooed some more. The kitten struggled a bit and Chin put her down on her lap. The kitten pounced on AJ's hand, eyeing one in his rings.
"Damn, she's got energy. How's about...Sprite? You know, like a fairy, sorta..."
"Perfect," Chin smiled, and the kitten snuggled into her neck. But Chin's nose itched. "A-ah-ahh-CHOO!" she sneezed. She held the cat away from her. "AJ...I forgot something..."
"And that would be...?" he was afraid to ask.
"I'm allergic to cats..." Chin frowned. "So is Julie...Notice there's none in the house?...I'm sorry, but...I-I can't keep her..." she said, sincerely. AJ looked down for a moment, then shrugged.
"It's okay..." he lied.
"No, it's not."
"I can just give her back-"
"No, don't. I adore her...but I just can't keep her here...please, can you keep her for me?" Chin asked, holding the kitten. AJ looked up. He couldn't say no.
"I dunno how Panda and Bear will hold up..." he laughed, taking the white fluff-ball from her..
"Thank you," Chin gave him a hug. They heard a squeak. Sprite had gotten squished between them.~*~*~*~
(the next day)
"Where are you going?"
"Movies."
"With?"
"Kev, I'm 19, for crying out loud-"
"Just wondering if I was going to be left all alone in this house or something. Don't bite my head off, Nicky."
"Don't call me Nicky, Kevvy-Kev," Nick grinned.
"Whatever," Kevin rolled his eyes, and flipped a few channels on the TV from his spot on the couch. Nick was still standing in the doorway. "So...who?" Kevin smiled.
"Jenny..."
"And...?"
"...Julie."
"Ah-HA."
"Ah-HA, what?"
"I thought-"
"We're friends, man," Nick said, as if trying to convince himself," ...friends."
"Nick, don't kid yourself."
"It was a mutual agreement. It was just-"
"Like over-dosage?"
"Yeah..."
"But soon it'll feel like withdrawal...I'm just trying to warn you, okay?"
"Yeah, okay," Nick sighed, leaving the room. He stuck his head back in the room. "By the way, thanks for watching out for me, Daddy Boo." he smirked. Kevin grinned.
"Bye.""This is hopeless..." AJ sighed, almost under his breath. He was lying on his stomach on his bed in the downstairs guestroom, scribbling something on paper.
"No, it's not."
AJ looked up.
"What do you mean 'no, it's not'? She's freaking ALLERGIC to cats! So is Julie! HOW would you know?"
"I'm not saying I know everything, Age...I'm just saying, well, don't give up-"
"Brian, I-"
"Lemme finish...I've seen you like this before. Not necessarily about this subject - but you have a tendency to give up and-"
"Just shut up, Bri. You've been no help to me thus far. I don't need your damn criticizing opinions," AJ growled, looking back down at his papers.
"Geesh - what crawled up your butt and died?" Brian threw his hands up in the air in defeat. AJ put his head in his hands.
"Sorry...I didn't mean it. It's just... I don't know. Maybe the kitten is a sign, you know?...That things won't go as planned. I went into this being afraid of hurting her, but who says she'll even fall for me like I did for her? I don't know what to expect...and that scares me..." AJ trailed off, his head still in his hands. Brian sighed and sat down beside him.
"What are you writing?"
"Something that came to me," AJ had stopped scribbling on the paper, but began once again. "I picked this off Sarah's floor..." AJ handed Brian a crumpled piece of paper. "...and it sparked something in me, you know?"
"What is this?"
"Some poems...I guess she wrote 'em...they had her initials by them, and the date...by the looks of it, she wrote them when she was, like, 15. If she could write then, then I can write now, when I need to."
"Why was it on her floor in the first place?"
"I don't know...maybe it fell out of her journal or something? She was cleaning her side this morning, remember?"
"Yeah..." Brian slowly opened the paper.*I wish*
I wish you would love me
I wish you would care
I wish you would want me
To always be thereBut wishes are empty
And so are dreams
Caught up with imagination
And tireless schemesWhy must I suffer
Why the despair
Why must there be the loneliness
That I can't bear?These questions
Have not answers
That I can see
The wishes
And dreams
Were not meant to be...But I dream on endlessly
Why can't you see
That all I hope for
Is for you to need me?~Please~
Please don't let me be the robot
That spends it life doing things for other people.
Please don't let me be the computer
Whose intelligence and actions are all programmed.Please don't let me be the toy
That is broken and never repaired.
Please don't let me be the unique glass bowl
That shatters the first time it is dropped,
...Gone forever.Don't let me be the moon,
That changes, yet stays the same.
Don't let me be a reflection of the sun
On the ocean water
That disappears so easily.But let me be the giggle of a child
That brings a smile to everyone's face.
Let me be the engagement ring
That is passed down through the generations.Let me be the star
That shines during the day.
Let me be the morning dew
That may vanish
But always returns.Please let me be that one caramel candy
In an assorted chocolate box.
Please let me be the song
That remains with someone forever.Please let me be the sugar
That finds its spice,
The lightning
That finds its thunder.Please let me leave this world
With nothing left undone.Brian blinked
"I'm wondering if she's the only one who wrote back then," AJ said.
"You mean, you're wondering if Chin wrote anything."
"Sometimes you know me too well, man," AJ sighed.
"Being in close vicinity of you for months on end has its advantages," Brian smiled. "But it's good that you're writing, bub." Brian gave him a pat on the back.
" 'Bub'?" AJ looked at him oddly.
"Yes, bub - don't you go making fun of my language...Anyway, BUB... we need more songs from you."
"And this is being said by the over-achiever..."
"I resent that."
"Of course you do!" AJ laughed and sat up next to Brian. "I think I next album will have 'all songs written, arranged, and produced by Brian Littrell' on the cover, in big bold letters." AJ put his arms out, as if spreading out an imaginary title. "I can see it now."
"It's your turn to shut up, man. You CAN write, you know...look at you go," Brian pointed at the papers.
"Whatever. Ever wonder why that song of mine became a non-album track?"
"Duffus - you wrote it too late to get it on the album."
"Whatever you say..."
"You'd better believe it. It was pretty deep, J...we need more songs like that."
"Yeah, well, what I'm going through now compared with only the start then, maybe we might have them."
"What?"
"Bri, right now-"
"I know that. But what about 'If You Knew What I Knew'?"
"What about it?" AJ averted his eyes.
"Did it mean anything?" Brian asked, as something dawned on him.
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do."
"Look, it's weirding me out, okay?"
"Why?" Brian pressed. "Why can't you just come out and say it?"
"Say what?!" AJ exclaimed.
"That maybe subconsciously, ever-so long ago, you loved Chin when you wrote that song?" Brian questioned. AJ closed his eyes and sighed.
"Because right now, I don't want to believe that."
"I feel so bad..."
"Why?" I asked.
"Cuz I'm allergic to cats..." Julie sighed.
"But...um...Chin is, too..." I replied.
"Stop being logical - lemme feel bad about something!" Julie smiled and threw her pillow at me.
"You guys are so stubborn," I stated, ducking. "If you'd just take the allergy medicine I take..." I trailed off, heading out the door. 1...2... I counted to myself.
"WHAT?" I heard Julie from inside her room.
...3 I smiled to myself. I popped my head back inside the room.
"You know, I have allergies too, hon. Not to cats etc, but I have allergies, remember?"
"OH..." it dawned on her.
"But when I suggested you guys take it too, once upon a time, you just shrugged and said you didn't care about cats, and you didn't want any medicine..." I recalled.
"Ohh..."
"Bingo." I turned to leave.
"Should we tell Chin?"
"What...?" I turned back around, smiling. Julie sighed.
"Okay, you got me...we were being stubborn...BACK then...look, I'll take the medicine if Chin will too...a little pill once a day isn't that horrible when you get a cute kitten in this house in return," she smiled.Chapter Nine: Impossible.As.It.May.Seem
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