...Don't Wanna Lose You Now...
Complete flashback: AJ & Chin's Breakup
[APRIL 2002]
"WHERE IS SHE?" AJ roared from the stairs.
"She'll be here soon. Don't worry." Sarah crossed her fingers.
"Age, just relax and calm down." Brian tried to pull AJ into the game room.
"Relax? You want me to RELAX? IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY AND SHE ISN'T EVEN HERE FOR IT!" AJ yelled, pulled away from Brian, and stomped into the room himself.
"AJ!" Nick yelled as he entered the room after Brian. "Weren't you the one who told me the other day how much you love her?"
"...and how there was no doubt in your mind that you wanted to marry her?" Kevin closed the door behind him and Howie. AJ looked away. There had been no doubt, but that was before this morning. There was doubt...on her side.
"That was before she decided to ruin my plans to propose..." he muttered softly, reaching his hand into his pocket, feeling the ring box that lay dormant in the folds of cloth.
"I'm sure she has a reasonable explanation..." Howie assured AJ.
He looked away. Chin had disappeared early in the morning and she'd been gone all day...what explanation could there have been? That she didn't love him anymore? "Why is she so scared of me?"
"What?" the four other Boys looked at AJ in surprise.
"She's changed...you guys know that...Every time I...I...she just...she always jumps...and she's always paranoid..." AJ looked lost. "She refuses to say something is wrong...but I know there's something up..." AJ looked up at his band mates. "Do you know it's been almost six months since she last told me she loved me without her voice wavering or full of fear? I never did anything...never did anything to hurt her...Why? Why is she scared of me?" AJ collapsed into a beanbag chair.
"Wow..." Nick breathed.
"I didn't realize it was that bad," Brian muttered.
"If she changed...Why'd you still want to marry her?" Howie questioned.
"I was hoping it'd bring back the old Chin..." AJ sighed. "Not that that was the only reason why..." he corrected himself. "But...I don't know...I still love her...so much..."
"She loves you too, Age," Kevin spoke up. "I know it. You know it. Everyone knows it."
"Then why isn't she here?" AJ's voice sounded scared and hopeless.
"She will be," Brian hoped.
"HEY, CHIN! " Hannah's voice echoed throughout the house. The Boys turned to AJ. He was silent for a moment and then he stood up. Nick shot to the door.
"Take it easy, AJ. You won't get anywhere by being mad..."
"I haven't gotten anywhere in the past six months by being loving," AJ retorted and swung open the door. When he stepped out he saw Chin just enter her room and close the door. He grew angry thinking about where she could've been...Who she could've been with...Did she love someone else now?...Did she stop loving him? AJ stormed into Chin's room, swinging the door open. She jumped and turned around.
"Alex--"
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" AJ's voice thundered throughout the house. Chin's eyes widened with fear and she backed up into her bed and sat down.
"AJ..." Kevin was walking up with the other Boys to keep AJ from doing something he'd regret...but it was too late. AJ slammed the door shut and locked it. He then proceeded to the bathroom door and locked that as well.
"Alex...What are you doing?" Chin was clinging to her pillow.
"Say you love me," AJ demanded, walking towards her.
"What?"
"SAY YOU LOVE ME." His voice was cold. AJ was staring at Chin hard.
"I...l-love...y-you..." Chin backed up until she felt the wall pressed up against her back.
"Why can't you say that without fear?" AJ yelled. "Why? What have I done to you, Chin? I've done nothing but love you and care for you and yet for some reason you ran away, you disappeared, on our two-year anniversary?!"
Chin was trying not to cry. She had only left to keep him safe...
"Alex, I..."
"What? 'Alex' WHAT?" AJ mocked. "Why can't you tell me anything anymore?"
"AJ! Open the door!" Cathy yelled from outside the room.
"Alex, I swear...I DO l-love y-you and I didn't mean to ruin anything...It's just...just..."
"JUST WHAT?" AJ was furious. "Why can't you tell me anything anymore?" He hated seeing Chin cry, but he'd had enough.
"AJ! Open the door, NOW," Jenny screamed.
"Don't make us break it!" Nick yelled. AJ ignored the numerous shouts and threats and approached Chin.
"Alex, please, don't...don't make this any harder than it has to be..." Chin's voice was quivering.
"Make WHAT harder? Are you breaking up with me? Is THAT it? You run around doing who knows what on the day of our anniversary to finally show up to tell me we're OVER?!"
"Alex--"
"Don't, Chin. We're NOT over...Just tell me. Please..." his voice softened. "Tell me, Chin. Tell me what I did. What did I do to hurt you? To make you jump every time I just touch you? Do you have any idea how much that hurts me? Today was supposed to be OUR day." AJ's voice softened even more. The day I was to propose to you... "The day I would give you twenty-four red roses. No white roses left. Twenty-four months...two years, Chin...we've had two wonderful years..." he whispered...but his anger couldn't subside for much longer. "I waited all day, Chin, ALL DAY...WHERE WERE YOU?" AJ growled, grabbing Chin's shoulders. Tears were streaming down her face.
"Alex, I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." Chin kept repeating the words but soon she couldn't hear herself or see him...her tears blurred her vision and she was starting to cough from crying so much.
"AJ, get off of her..." Howie and Kevin yanked AJ away from Chin's shaking body The girls had grabbed a screwdriver and unlocked the door from the outside. Brian and Nick grabbed AJ and began to drag him outside. He was yelling and trying to fight off the two Boys holding him but failed to do so.
"Chin? Chin, are you okay?" Words of concern swarmed all around her but Chin ignored them.
It was over...It was finally over...The letters and phone calls would stop now...She had prevented anything from happening that day...The day that Rebecca said would be the worst day of Chin's life...Chin had driven all over town...Staying away from AJ as much as possible...the words over the phone repeating through her head..."If I can't have AJ, nobody will." ...Chin loved AJ with all of her heart...she couldn't lose him...not that way...but...I guess this is how it ends...More tears spilled onto Chin's cheeks.
"Girls, let me try and talk to her okay?" Kevin reasoned. After putting up a bit of a fight, they nodded silently and trotted outside. Howie closed the door behind them.
"Let me try as well..." he spoke softly. Kevin nodded in agreement. The girls didn't know...they didn't know about AJ's plan that day...and since Kevin and Howie did...they would be the ones trying to patch all this up...
"Chin? What happened?" Kevin asked.
"He'll never understand. He can't..."
------[broken up here in the chapters]-----
"He'll never understand. He can't," Chin cried, sitting on the beanbag, not looking at either of the two men in the room. She could still hear AJ yelling as Brian and Nick took him downstairs.
"Understand what?" Howie knelt down beside her.
"It's best for him if he's not with me. Why can't he see that?" She covered her face with her hands. Kevin knelt down on her other side and placed a hand on her back.
"What are you talking about, Chin?"
"I can't tell you. She'll kill me if I tell you."
"Who?" Howie asked.
"Rebecca."
"Who's Rebecca?" Kevin asked.
"Remember that group of girls that terrorized us?" Chin whispered.
"Yeah," both Boys nodded.
"Rebecca was the mastermind. She's been...she's been..." Chin couldn't say it.
"Been what?" Howie rubbed her back.
"Threatening me...for months...months..." Fresh tears flowed down Chin's cheeks.
"Saying what?" Kevin asked.
"Saying I don't belong with AJ."
"She's just a crazy fan," Howie tried to assure her.
"Do crazy fans say they'll KILL the love of your life if you continue to be with him!?"
There was silence for a moment. Kevin and Howie looked at each other.
"Did she say she'd kill AJ...?" Howie asked.
"One of the many things she has said..." Chin whimpered. " 'If I can't have him, no one will' " she quoted. Kevin hugged her. Both Boys were thinking of the ring AJ still had in his pocket. "That's why I stopped it. He'll never understand why, but his life shouldn't be put in danger because of me," she cried. She looked up at the two who were trying to comfort her. "Promise me you won't tell him. Promise."
"But--" Howie began.
"Promise!" Chin insisted. "It's better that he doesn't know. He doesn’t need more things to worry about." Chin looked at them. Kevin nodded at Howie.
"Promise," they whispered in unison. The three sat in silence for a while, mulling over all that had happened.
"Chin, what if she doesn't stop?" Kevin asked.
"I'm not with him anymore...She'll stop, eventually."
A loud crash echoed throughout the cold house.
"What the...?" Chin muttered, pulling her blanket tighter around her. The crash seemed to have come from the balcony. She thought everyone had left to go to the beach...She shuffled towards it and opened the door. A blast of wind hit her. "I usually love you, but that's when you're not hitting me in the face, " Chin growled at the breeze and shut the door behind her. Her teeth chattered and she glanced over the balcony. In the moonlight, could barely make out a few roses and some shattered pieces of--Chin's blanket dropped to her feet.
No...
She yanked open the balcony door and flew down the stairs.
No... Don't do this to me, Alex...Please...
She burst through the backdoor and confirmed what she thought she had seen. There, in pieces around the patio and the pool, was her vase, surrounded by the 24 red roses. She glanced around the backyard for a sign of him, but there was nothing. Just the remains of what they had.
"Alex?" she called out, but her eyes were on the flowers. She bit her lip and bent down, silently picking up the pieces to take them inside.
Don't cry, Chin, don't cry... she told herself. But it didn't work. The tears came flowing down.
DWLYN Flashbacks